Lifestyle

Diligence is the mother of good luck.
-Benjamin Franklin 

I have great news!  Today could be your lucky day.  It’s not a matter of chance, it’s a matter of choice.  Lucky people are ordinary people who create their own good luck by practicing simple luck-producing habits.  Here’s what you need to do:

Constantly try new things.

There’s a saying that the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  If you want to improve your luck, you have to try new things to see what works and what doesn’t.

Unlucky people tend to be creatures of habit.  They take the same route to and from work every single day, talk to the same types of people at social functions, and live out the same routine day in and day out.

In contrast, lucky people try to introduce variety into their lives.  For example, one lucky friend I know recently described how he thought of a color before arriving at a business convention and then introduced himself to people wearing that color.  This kind of behavior boosts the likelihood of chance opportunities by introducing variety into an otherwise status-quo situation.  And in my friend’s particular case, his (somewhat odd) tactic led to a fairly substantial contract deal with a new client.

Think about how lucky you are right now.

Lucky people tend to see the positive side of their ill fortune.  They imagine how things could have been so much worse.  For instance, I met a rather cheerful, successful and lucky business client recently who showed up to our meeting with a cast from shoulder to wrist on her left arm.  She then explained to me how she had fallen down a flight of stairs.  “But I am the luckiest person alive,” she continued.  “I walked away from that fall with a broken arm instead of a broken neck.”

Another interesting example of this is how research suggests that Olympic athletes who win bronze medals are typically happier than their Silver medalist counterparts.  This is because silver medalists think that if they had performed slightly better they might have won a gold medal.  In contrast, bronze medalists focus on how if they’d performed slightly worse, they wouldn’t have won anything.

Having a positive outlook on life is a must if you are to become a luckier person.  If your outlook on life is doom and gloom, then that’s all you’ll experience.  Fortunately, the opposite is also true.  You control your luck and your life by controlling your thoughts.

Look around.  Appreciate the things you have right now.  Many people aren’t so lucky.  Read The Power of Positive Thinking.

Notice little things and solve small problems.

I chatted with an aspiring web application developer recently who was complaining that all the big ideas were being worked on already and that there was nothing groundbreaking left to do.  As he talked, I realized he was referencing massive projects that others were working on that seemed mostly out of reach.  And as I thought about all these ‘grand ideas’ I realized that in most cases they probably didn’t start with a massive plan or project, but rather started by trying to solve a simple problem.

This is the impression I get when I read about the early stages of companies like Google.  I’m pretty sure Google’s founders didn’t have the goal of organizing the all of the world’s information as their primary focus when they first started – instead they started with a series of smaller problems (problems are potential opportunities) and slowly expanded their end goal from there.

Work on things you’re passionate about.

Some of us were born to be musicians – to communicate intricate thoughts and rousing feelings with the strings of a guitar.  Some of us were born to be poets – to touch people’s hearts with exquisite prose.  Some of us were born to be entrepreneurs – to create growth and opportunity where others saw rubbish.  And still, some of us were born to do whatever it is, specifically, that moves you.

Don’t waste your life fulfilling someone else’s dreams and desires.  You must follow your intuition.  Good luck and true wealth come naturally to those who are passionate about their work.  Read Quitter.

Establish relationships with people who share your interests.

If you’re already passionate about something, finding and connecting with others who share your passionate viewpoint can help you in numerous ways.  You can tap into their knowledge on the topic, share your own ideas and experiences, and often share and learn things outside of your common interest area.

Make an extra effort to reach out to people who you’ve identified as having an interest overlap.  If you happen to meet someone casually who has an interest overlap with you, don’t hesitate, jump on board with that connection.  It can provide a great opportunity for you to build a friendship in an unexpected place.

Share your skills, ideas, and knowledge freely with others.  If you’re already involved in a group with a particular interest, make an effort to reach out to newcomers.  Not only will a friendly face help to encourage them to get involved, they’ll often hold you in high regard, as you’re the one who broke down some of that ‘newness’ barrier for them.  Similarly, when people come to such meetings looking for help, don’t hesitate to assist in any way you can.

Help others out when you’re able.

Remember, in life, you get what you put in.  Luck often comes in the form of help when you need it, and the best way to ‘grease the rails’ for help when you’ll eventually need it is by helping others right now.  If you’re presented with an opportunity to help – particularly one that you can fulfill without infringing on your other responsibilities – the luckiest thing you can possibly do is help in every way you possibly can.

And when you help others, don’t expect something in return. Instead, just enjoy the experience of helping that person out and building a stronger personal relationship with them. That stronger relationship will be there for you later on in your time of need – just trust in it and be a helpful friend whenever you can.

Take calculated risks.

Lucky people take more risks.  This doesn’t mean they gamble their livelihood by taking ill-advised risks on sketchy business opportunities.  Taking a risk can be calculated – you weigh your options, know what you can afford to lose, and go for it.  If it doesn’t work out, you go for it again when you can afford to lose a little more.

When you take small, calculated risks, either you succeed or you learn something.  Win-Win.  Remember, if you never act, you will never know for sure, and you will be left standing in the same unlucky spot forever.

Pay close attention to the present.

Unlucky people often dwell on mistakes from the past, obsessing about the bad luck that put them in their present unlucky situation, or they concern themselves too much with future ideals.  Lucky people, on the other hand, concentrate on the present moment.

Life is happening right now.  You can’t learn something new or uncover a new opportunity that’s happening now if your mind is stuck in another time.  Opportunities present themselves every day, all around you, but you have to pay close attention to your surroundings to notice them.  Read The Power of Now.

Identify the lesson.

Everything is a life lesson.  Everyone you meet, everything you encounter, etc.  They’re all part of the learning experience we call ‘life.’

Never forget to acknowledge the lesson, especially when things don’t go your way.  If you don’t get a job you wanted or a relationship doesn’t work, it only means something better is out there waiting.  And the lesson you just learned is the first step towards it.

Remember, having good luck is a choice.  Use all of the lessons you learn to make educated decisions and create good luck for yourself in the future.

Work toward your goals every day without fail.

The harder you work, the luckier you will become.  Stop waiting around for things to work out on their own.  They won’t.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.

While many of us decide at some point during the course of our lives that we want to answer our calling, only an astute few of us actually work on it.  By ‘working on it,’ I mean truly devoting oneself to the end result.  The rest of us never act on our decision.  Or, at best, we pretend to act on it by putting forth an uninspired, half-assed effort.

If you want good luck in your life, you’ve got to be willing to give it 100% every day.  No slacking off!  Achieving your goals and dreams can be a lot of work.  Be ready for it.  Read Getting Things Done for some practical guidance in this arena.

Photo by: Matthew Fang

If the grass looks greener on the other side…

Stop staring.

Stop comparing.

Stop complaining.

And START watering the grass you’re standing on!

Truly, the most powerful weapon against daily stress is our ability to choose one thought, or response, over another.  I was reminded of this today when a course student named Sarah sent me the following in an email (I’m sharing this with permission):

“I sat down with my two daughters, ages six and eight, this afternoon to explain to them that we have to move out of our four-bedroom house and into a two-bedroom apartment for a year or two until I can find another job and build our savings back up.  It’s a conversation I’ve been avoiding for over a month, as I’ve struggled with the doubts and regrets of not being able to provide a financially stable household for us.  But my daughters just looked at each other after I told them, and then my youngest daughter turned to me and asked, ‘Are we all moving into that apartment together?’  ‘Of course,’ I immediately replied.  ‘Oh, so no big deal then,’ she said.”

Is that not the most mindful, optimistic response imaginable?

I hope it inspires you to follow suit.  Train your mind to see the bits of good in everything, even when it’s hard.  The peace and happiness of your life in the long run heavily depends on the quality of your daily thoughts and responses.

Optimism is your choice today.  It’s not an inborn trait bestowed on a lucky few—it’s a skill that can be learned and honed.  Let those two little girls be your guides, and allow me to fill in the gaps…

Since there is no one-size-fits-all, step-by-step guide to being more optimistic, I’ve compiled a short list of strategies that we’ve successfully implemented with our course students, coaching clients, and live event attendees over the years.  Here are some little things they now do differently:

1.  Optimists make optimal use of the available options.

Most people get irritated by those who seem “too optimistic,” but this is often just an unfortunate misinterpretation of the difference between an optimist and an idealist.  An optimist is really just a positive realist who is neither naive, nor in denial, nor blind to the realities of life.

An optimist believes in the optimal usage of all the available options, no matter how narrow the supply.  As a result, optimistic people are able to better see the bigger picture.  They can more accurately visualize and mange the present possibilities.  For comparison’s sake:  An idealist focuses only on the absolute best aspects of situations, a pessimist sees no positive possibilities at all, and an optimist strives to see all the possibilities so they can find the best possible option among them.

So, when picking lemons off a lemon tree, an idealist reaches for the ripest looking lemon and expects it to be the tastiest, a pessimist settles for whichever one is closest, while an optimist picks all the lemons in sight and makes lemonade.  (Marc and I further discuss this habit of optimism in the Happiness chapter of our New York Times bestseller, Getting Back to Happy: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Reality, and Turn Your Trials into Triumphs.)

2.  Optimists respect themselves.

As a child, you impressed and inspired yourself on a daily basis.  You ran, jumped, swung, sang and danced openly without a care in the world, and without worrying about what everyone else thought of you.  You didn’t need anyone else’s constant approval, because deep down you knew you were amazing.

As you grew into adulthood, the pressure from peers, popular media and society as a whole began to wear on you.  You started comparing yourself to everyone around you.  You judged and measured your body, your lifestyle, your career, and your relationships against other people’s lives.  And when you realized that many of these people have things that you do not, bitterness set in and you gradually stopped appreciating all the great things you do have in your life.

Optimists defend themselves against this self-dislike in two primary ways.  First, they get back to trusting their own intuition when it comes to their daily activities.  They stop asking for everyone else’s approval and simply do what they know in their heart feels right.  Second, optimists don’t judge themselves against a set of unrealistic, third-party ideals.  They let go of the ideals and instead hold on to the belief that they are always good enough just the way they are, even as they grow into stronger, wiser versions of themselves.

3.  Optimists disconnect happiness from achievement.

In order to be optimistic, you have to be generally content with your life.  In order to find this contentment, you have to look within yourself.  Happiness, after all, is an inside job.

If you look for happiness outside yourself, by tying it to a specific achievement you must reach for example, you have two big problems:

1. You may never succeed. – If you feel like something is wrong with you and needs to be fixed, but you continuously fall short of fixing it, you will start yourself on a downward spiral where every time you fail to fix it you feel even worse.  Eventually you will be unable to succeed simply because you no longer believe in your ability to do so.
2. You may succeed and decide you want even more. – If you feel like something is wrong with you and needs to be fixed, and you succeed at fixing it, you will likely find something new about yourself that needs fixing too.  Maybe you’ve lost 20 pounds, but now you want tighter abs.  Maybe you’ve paid down your debt, but now you want a bank account with a million dollars in it.  You get the idea.  It’s a never-ending cycle for your entire life.  You never reach it, because you’re always looking for happiness from external achievements.  You don’t find the happiness from within so you look to other sources.

Optimists disconnect achievement from happiness and give themselves permission to be happy in each moment without the need for anything more.  This isn’t to say that they are complacent.  They still set goals, work hard, help others, and grow, but they learn to indulge joyously in the journey, not the destination.  (Read Buddha’s Brain.)

4.  Optimists keep good company.

You are only as good as the company you keep, and misery loves company.  If you spend too much time around negative people, there’s a strong chance you won’t find much to be happy about.  Do yourself a favor and dodge other people’s negativity.  Surround yourself with positive, emotionally supportive friends and spend time together doing things that make you smile.

Optimism is a learned habit, and it is positively contagious.  So surround yourself with people who could infect you with positivity, and then pass your new good mood on to a friend or stranger via kind words and deeds – tell a friend how good they look today, let somebody have that parking space, let that person with only a few items cut in front of you at the market.  The simple act of doing something nice for those around you will help create more positive people to interact with.

The bottom line is that life is way too amazing and short to waste time with people who don’t treat you right.  Surround yourself with people who lift you up when you’re down, and then return the favor when you’re able.

5.  Optimists embrace life’s ups and downs.

Just because you’re an optimist doesn’t mean you’re not going to have bad days.  You will, that’s reality.  Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies.  A foundation of realism keeps things in perspective and helps prevent things from being blown out of proportion.

Expecting life to be wonderful all the time is wanting to swim in an ocean in which waves only rise up and never come crashing down.  However, when you recognize that the rising and crashing waves are part of the exact same ocean, you are able to let go and be at peace with the reality of these ups and downs.  It becomes clear that life’s ups require life’s downs.

Bottom line:  Prepare for the downs but capitalize on the ups; the former makes you sensible and the latter makes you an optimist.  (Read Learned Optimism.)

6.  Optimists use positive language and gestures.

It’s not always what happens that determines your mood, but how you verbalize and express what happens that counts.

For instance, when an optimist experiences a bout of success she might say, “That’s just as I had anticipated; I studied hard and my diligence paid off,” while a pessimist might say, “Goodness, was I lucky to get a good grade on that test,” not giving herself any credit and literally snatching her own defeat from the hands of victory.

If an optimist encounters a do-it-yourself project she can’t figure out, she’s likely to say something like, “Either the instructions I’m following are unclear, or this project is going to require a bit more effort than I thought, or maybe I’m just having a rough day.”  In other words, an optimist uses positive self-talk to keep the struggle outside herself (“the instructions”), specific (“more effort”), and temporary (“a rough day”), while the pessimist would likely get down on herself and interpret the same struggle as internal, widespread, and everlasting.

Go ahead and follow in the optimist’s footsteps by speaking to yourself in a more positive way regardless of whether you succeed or fail, and you’ll gradually become more optimistic.

Physical body language is also important.  Your smile actually influences your mood in a positive way.  When you feel down, your brain tells your face that you’re sad, and your facial muscles respond by putting on a frown, which in turn conveys a message back to your brain that says, “Yep, we’re feeling unhappy.”  You can flip the switch on this internal reaction by adjusting your facial muscles into a smile so they don’t correspond to what you’re feeling.  This is a clever way of sending a different message back to your brain: “Hey, life is still pretty good and I’m doing OK.”  Your brain will respond by gradually changing your mood accordingly.

(Note: Our New York Times bestseller, Getting Back to Happy: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Reality, and Turn Your Trials into Triumphs, is an easy-to-read guide that will gradually make you more optimistic, guaranteed.)

Now, it’s your turn…

Please leave a comment below and let me know what you think of this article.

What resonated?  What helps boost YOUR optimism?

I’d love to hear from YOU. 

And finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

NOTE: This post has been updated with new information and moved to here:

18 Important Reminders About Living Up to People’s Expectations

Photo by: Erin

Please note: This post has been updated with new information and moved to here:

15 Important Reminders for Your Darkest Moments of Self-Doubt

Photo by: Lauryn Victoria

Experience.  Dream.  Risk.  Close your eyes, jump, and enjoy the free fall.  Choose exhilaration over predictability.  Choose growth over comfort.  Choose potential over safety.  Wake up to the magic of life.

Make friends with your intuition.  Trust your gut.  Discover the beauty of uncertainty.  Know yourself fully before you make promises to others.  Make lots of mistakes so that you will know how to discern what you truly need.

Learn when to hold on and when to let go.  Love hard and often and without reservation.  Seek knowledge.  Open yourself to possibility.  Keep your heart honest, your head high, and your spirit free.  Embrace your darkness along with your light.  Be wrong every once in a while, and be okay with it.

Awaken to the brilliance in ordinary moments.  Live the truth no matter what the cost.  Own your reality without apology.  See goodness in the world.  Be Bold.  Be Fierce.  Be grateful.  Be wild, crazy, and gloriously free.

Go now and add more life to your years.  Here are few ways to do just that:

1. Be you. – There’s no better freedom than the freedom to be yourself.  Give yourself that gift, and choose to surround yourself with those who appreciate your decision.  Don’t let someone change who you are, to become what they need.  Be you in the beautiful way only you can, to become what you need.
2. Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you. – The amount of abuse you tolerate in a partner is equal to the amount of abuse you heap on yourself.  If you are used to telling yourself that you’re ugly, that you are destined to fail, and that you’re not capable of performing in the world without someone holding your hand, then you will accept, and feel most comfortable with, a partner who reinforces these same negative beliefs.  Read The Mastery of Love.
3. Breathe your passion. – It’s not what we do every once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently.  There is a proverb that says, “He who half breathes, half lives.”  Writing is my breath, so I breathe it every day.  Whatever your breath is, breathe it deeply and consistently so that you may live wholly.
4. Act out of love. – Love your life to the fullest.  Love is natural.  When we do not act out of love, it goes against our very nature.  That choice results in emotional, mental, and even physical pain.  Love heals the pain that was caused by the absence of it.  Always act out of love.
5. Make your gratitude list longer than your worry list. – Don’t let a bad moment ruin your day.  Think of it as a bad minute, not a bad day, and you’ll be okay.  Stress thrives when your worry list is longer than your gratitude list.  Happiness thrives when your gratitude list is longer than your worry list.  So find something to be thankful for.  And remember, pretending to be happy when you’re struggling is just a small example of how strong you are as a person.  When it rains on your parade, look up rather than down.  Because without the rain there would be no rainbow.  Read Tuesdays with Morrie.
6. Keep your mind wide open. – Make a promise to yourself.  Promise to stop the drama before it begins, to breathe deeply and peacefully, and to love others and yourself without conditions.  Promise to laugh at your own mistakes, and to realize that no one is perfect; we are human.  Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible.  All of us are imperfect, so there’s no point judging each other or ourselves.  In the understanding of this truth lies our perfection.
7. Take chances. – Take lots of them.  Because honestly, no matter where you end up and with whom, it always ends up just the way it should be.  Stop regretting things and start accepting them as the teachers they are.  Your most significant opportunities will be found in times of great difficulty.  Your mistakes make you who you are.  You learn and grow with each choice you make.  Everything is worth it.  Listen to your heart.  Continue to follow your path, and be okay with the challenges that lie ahead.  Read The Last Lecture.
8. Let go of old wounds. – Change can be terrifying, yet healing requires change.  Sometimes you have to find the good in goodbye.  Because the past is a place of reference, not a place of residence.  Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars on the playground: You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.

Photo by: Light Knight